Cat-astrophe 2

Catty is the only human I know who can give the HP copier a run for its money …!!!...

Her passion for copying started in school where besides copying off everyone.. (spelt cheating) ..she started copying everything Coco and I had… and not in a subtle way …!!..Coco and I are very close in age and being sisters we often liked or got the same things and as if it wasn’t enough that a second person had what one would like to have exclusively …we always had Catty …!!!..

The first obvious instance of Catty’s now age old hobby was when in school Coco and I got these ugly pop swatches with polka dots gifted to us by an aunt... I wondered who in their sane mind would actually buy a watch like that for themselves and next thing I know... she did …( like I said .. no one in their sane mind would buy it ..!! ).. Then came college and Coco and I bought ourselves these really expensive watches and tada…!!...Catty was sporting her mom’s cast off of the same…!!...Now Coco’s gone and upgraded her watch and you guessed it.. Catty’s been gifted (or so she claims) the same brand by her brother…!!.. I wish her fixation would stop at watches but since it's a far from perfect world ..it isn't to be …!! From the watches we wear to the clothes on our back down to the name of our dawg (yes its true)... she’s copied it all …!! ..Just recently she went to help Jewel order a tunic…Catty had no intention of buying anything till the lady showed her what I had ordered and then suddenly Catty turned into a prospective buyer buying the same design in the next available colour.. she saw me wear mine and so horrified was she that it looked better she went and hand washed hers so it had to be dyed (preferably to the colour I had )..but fate has its own ways (evil..!!.)... a lil dry cleaning restored it to its not so aesthetic self.. !!!

This time for Catty’s birthday I got her something I already own to save her the trouble and a trip to the market to get the same thing… Now Catty think she has the largest wardrobe ever.. She loves putting in where ever possible (or not) the number of jackets she owns.. 54 to be exact..( come to think of it that number hasn’t changed in a while now .. hmmm…).. Anyway before Catty opened the present she made it a point to tell me she has a large number of sweaters as well.. (surprisingly she didn’t have a number) … what I would do with that knowledge now I do not know… I already bought and handed her gift to her so that info was lost on me… I guess it was just another attempt at showing off ..(of course..)..!!!.. so it turns out my gift to her is …(drum roll.. ) a sweater.. ( I only knew of the jackets so not my fault..!! )..which she wanted to change cos of the abundance of sweaters she has..(refer 5 lines ago.. ) but then just as the words that I own the same thing but in a different colour (orange ) escaped my mouth it suddenly is a keeper…!! A keeper for the style but not for the colour .. ( I got her a white..)… !!! .. Now if I were business savvy I would start my own booking agency to take in bets on what colour she will change it to but unfortunately for her .. (yes!! there is a gawd above) .. there is no other size but XL’s left in the orange …. !!!.. laaa dee daa dee daaa…!!

Added later: She's exhanged the white sweater for an orange (obviously) one .. but cos of lack of her size in that particular style she had to pick a different design .... sigh!!.. When will her habit cease .. all you psychology ppl.. forget analysing me .. work on her instead..!!!

Cat-astrophe

Just when I thought Garry and I were unduly harsh towards Catty (behind her back of course… bad bad girls we are.. ) and that we shud try and be nice … she had to go and be born 26 years ago on the exact same day as the finals of jhalak dikhla jaa.. !!! what are the odds…!!! And then to top it the producers of the show decide it doesn’t need to have a re-run .. I mean ..come on !!!.. I take that as a sign … gawd wants us to keep up the harsh treatment..!!...so be it !!!

Exit Affection...

So Goldy’s gone back to M ... he was back home for Diwali … told me 10 days before coming that he would come to D and then go home from here… but true to his bad habit of lying to me all the time he didn’t come.. Even when he reached home he said he would try.. told him I was wiser now and that I did not consider anything he said anymore and he shouldn’t say things he’s not going to do … he said I should always keep my hopes up …luckily for me I’ve stopped taking every word of his as carved in stone and more like written in sand just before high tide…!!!

Goldy and I share a very funny relationship…(if I can call it a relationship at all )…We met 4 years ago during our stint at post graduate studies in S.. We moved from friends to special friends then to official special friends (official in the sense I made him come down on his knees and ask me out with flowers n the works…but we were never an official couple in the eyes of our friends.. again .. his call …he is the master of shady things…)…then we had the worst break up in the history of .. well .. my life and a lot of other lives…..I came back to D and cried over him for a year and a half till better sense prevailed (his) and he wooed me back just before I went to L to work (while he was still around about there) .. I really don’t know if we got back together or not cos it was without any formal asking out and we became more like friends with benefits.. but since he’s moved to M we’ve moved to absolutely no benefits...the only benefit I could have looked at getting was if Airtel announced an award for the person making max calls to M.. and since that’s not happening either.. I am essentially a no benefits kind of person.. sorta like running a charity...

The latest stage in our so called relationship is my lack of affection for him or essentially the 'just a buddy' stage .. which started 2 months ago courtesy a string of events that unfolded between Goldy and myself while in G and M …this also resulted in my formulating an anti chipko movement against him.. after all he isn’t a tree I reasoned… his name isn’t Ashoka… it’s Goldy.. so why this affinity to chipko to him…

What really happened is after Goldy moved to M in June for work we got a chance of going to G together.. Garry was going with her friends and after much coaxing I got Goldy to actually come.. (it’s funny really the amount I had to beg and plead with him when going to G was actually his idea.. all I did was mention that Garry was going and had asked me and I wasn’t planning to go cos I didn’t know any of her friends and he suddenly made her plan his plan and forgot about it.. leaving the logistics and actually figuring out if he would come or not to me…)
G came and went and sadly I have not one magic moment that I got back from there.. except the foot squeeze he gave me at the train station which was about the only time my heart fluttered the rest of our trip was spend either fighting or … well .. fighting… Goldy doesn’t understand what I mean by ‘G was not magical’..he insists it was a good trip and that we hardly fought so it should be good…and I agree despite the fighting it was fun but again .. not magical… Goldy and I should have been like this love lost honeymooning couple but instead we were like this old couple on the last leg of their lives ..having exhausted their supply of viagra.. spending time in some Ashram or something.. it was weird..!!..i ( we must have been giving out those old hag vibes so obviously cos the guy at the shack lit every candle on every table including family tables..all but ours.. I had to force Goldy to make the waiter light our candle before we made him click our picture…you can clearly see the candle was lit right then and there for effect …:( …) .. In a way its good when I hear him say he remembers the trip fondly and it was fun for him.. shows he’s not like those silly boys who are only into u know what .. but it doesn’t do a great deal for my desirability quotient…it was more like this… a lil nooky never hurt no one…and so a lil nooky is all I got….not more.. but way way less…!!!

After G came 5 days in M which I planned cos I wanted to meet him before I left ..but Goldy as usual had other plans for me.. I had to change the venue of our meeting cos of last minute unforeseen family circumstances (due to my family being blissfully unaware of the Goldy factor in my life) .. called Goldy to give him the news the night before and then had a conversation almost reminiscent of someone asking him for a kidney … (sad sad life I have ..)..after much ado and arguing I realized I was being treated unfairly (duh!!) and that it was time to show the tad lil bit of self respect I had left and told him there were bomb scares and I did not want him to come at all … period!!.. Needless to say.. he happily agreed…!! Idiot!!

The whole him not meeting me before I left episode and G not being as it should have put a few things into perspective …!!.. all of it accumulatively as you can imagine put a damper on my affection for him…So came into effect the anti chipko movement which by my standards has seen some real progress… it’s been 2 months and counting and Goldy and I’ve spoken only thrice and that also at his behest. .!! .. I do have my days when I wanna just run to M and into his arms and chipko to him like I’m bonded to him with super glue..till he decides the only way I will leave him is if he enters the men's toilet… !!!
When such insanity hits me I call Garry and have our dose of male bashing talking about our dysfunctional relationships with the opposite sex and by the end I conclude ….
If all men are dogs.. I got their king and she got the heir to the throne….!!
(She of course insists hers is the king pin ..but then ask any woman and she’ll want that title for her own man … )

What's in a Name.....

Nothing really but when I decided to give myself this absolute masculine identity I thought it wise to explain the rationale (or irrational) behind it .. I wish to make this an anonymous blog and I could have named myself anything.. from angel to sexy to cutest girl in the world….:)…so why did I choose Harry ????

Well it isn’t to prove my masculinity for sure.. that wud be absurd really.. considering I’m a girl n all that ... neither am I high on the testosterone front nor am I inclined to think like those who are…honest to gawd my being single is not cos I’m not interested in men .. I am I sooo am .. its just that they are not interested in me …( not like I’m bad looking or anything.. just that I’m most inclined to mingle only with the married men or the much much younger lot of brothers..I dunno why .. All u psychology people out there.. you're welcome to try and analyse why I would do that …)

Okie now before I digress.. (I usually do that.. another problem I have.. )… Coming back to the name issue..…I wanted a name that was me but yet not me… as in I didn’t want to keep it the obvious which if someone who even vaguely knows me would catch onto and say whoa!!!.. that’s her…wat a fool ...she’s blogging under a pseudo name that so gives her away … so I thought and thought and after many a names that I’m called .. I came up with Harry which even my closest friends wouldn’t guess was me.. except that one friend of course…the one who kept this pseudo name for me which he used on his phone cos he didn’t want his friends to know when I was calling or messaging him and stuff … why he did such shady things is another long long story and I’m not really writing a 20,000 word dissertation here so I wont get into it .. the name is so so far from anything anyone’s ever called me that it came as a surprise when he told me about it ..
It went something like this
Me: I haven’t fed in your number.. that’s cos if anyone is around when you call I can always pretend it’s a wrong number in front off others.. not having a name show up makes that explantion plausible..
He: and I’ve named you Harry on mine
Me (thinking): huh? Harry .. wat does he mean Harry .. does he mean Harry as in from the word hairy ???.. I’ve spent all this money on laser for nothing .. he thinks I’m hairyyyyy… wwwwwahhhhhh!!!!!...tears…!!!
Me (out loud; but praying he doesn’t say it has anything to do with hairy ): Ahem!! Why Harry again???
He: cos u used to call the green pedestrian lights in the UK that ..
Me (sigh of relief): of course I used tooo…!!!
(Flashback of me standin at a red light....: "come on green man come on green man … come on harry come on harry .. "... harry from hari as in green in hindi… vague na.. that’s me … at times…. Ok ok .. most times…)

So that ladies and gentlemen is the uneventful conversation where the name came from... And now I’m going to name my other friends who might or might not feature in this blog ….and again I won't give them the very obvious names that we call them by but I will nonetheless explain my reasoning for the vague names that I am christening them with…..

The boy in question will b called Goldy .. his family calls him that .. I really don’t know why .. and he won’t tell .. his explanation is he’s their golden boy .. or was that my explantion in jest .. I forget.. either way it’s a funny name for anyone.. I think I can safely call him this obvious name cos I don’t see him or his family venturing into the blogsphere.. he for sure wont ever cos sadly he is slightly literary challenged … not really but he won’t ever come close to anything so packed with only English and without hindi subtitles…
My sister I will call Coco.. cos she puts up this hard ass exterior when she’s a real scared softy on the inside…
My partner in crime ..my good friend.. I will call Garry .. it stems from her nick… she may be told of this blog in time…I find it very hard to keep things from her..sometimes its just a matter of too much information ….
Then there is Fatty and Catty who are absolutely inseparable.. I call her fatty for obvious reasons and catty is called by virtue of her habit of copying and owning everything my sis and I have or are connected with ..she’s gone to the extent of naming her male dog after my female dog and claiming it was her sister in laws choice of name ….some might say we should be flattered.. but we’re just plain annoyed by her blatant plagiarism...
Then there is jewel.. she’s a real sober soul..and a jewel of a person ..shes so named cos of the nature of her occupation .. like if she were parsi she’d probably b jewel jewelwaala…

Okei!! so that’s was my rendition of what’s in a name and all that isn’t… and a few characters in my story called life… not all r key players .. (Catty sure as hell isn’t.. ).. But they all do in their own way make or break my day....