I wish ....

I wish he'd call ....
i wish he'd send me a message saying good night.. something.. anything.. anything but ask me to wake him up at 5 in the morning that is .. lol..

i feel like things are going back to how they were when i got back from G and before i went to back to M for the new year... i.e talking to him like once in 3 weeks.. it was okie then.. as in i survived that ... cos i was feeling detached... but i dont think i can take it this time...!!!

im scared he's taken me seriously and has found someone else to go out with him over the long weekend..
im scared he's got scared cos i said 'i love u ' even though i followed it up with a ' i didn't mean it ' ....
i'm scared i'm gonna lose him and not gonna b able to handle it ...though most of the time i think i can ... but i don't want to reach the point where i'll have to decide if i can or can't....

i think i'm just scared cos i don't have a back up ... lol ....
i think i'm gonna call him tomorrow and then what will be will be ....

It's called an ALARM>>>!!!

I am sooooooo livid...!!!

and as u can c i'm also back to writing without punctuations or any regard for full forms (not that i was ever a disciplied writer but still...) .. cos i am A N G R Y...!!!

Goldy's just done wat he shudnt have .. as it is im so angry and disappointed with his behaviour.. and confused tooo.. and he topped it by sending me a message that he was going to sleep and wanted me to wake him up at 5 tomorrow morning... !!...for fuck sake..!!.. this fucking duty he wants me to do is usually done by that thing we all call an alarm...!!! and he does this with an absolutely official sounding message tat one mite send their PA or someone and ....andddddd........ he does this after not returning my calls for over 5 days ...after knowing that it is important that we talk cos of the probablity of me coming down to M to see him or us going out over the long weekend....!! hmph!!!
so i send him a polite message sayin i will try cos hes not the lightest sleeper i know and wish him all the best for tomorrow with a good nite in tow and again i get only a thanks in return.. no good nite .. no somethign else.. anything else... but a silly thank u .. again very official PA variety... HMPH!!!!

I am soo livid my face is burning.. and it's not cos i just had it lasered this morning.. the heat from that was almost gone when Goldy had to go and drop this message bomb on me...!!

I have a good mind of not waking him up and let him not attend this stupid marathon he wants to run .. but i dont wanna show him im angry .. !!! plus it's not like i'm his only hope...i'm sure he's made other arrangements to get up as well ...!!! aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!!
as it is i haven't slept well over this last week tryign to figure out ways and excuses to go to M to see him and ways to spend the long weekend with him .. all this despite him behavin like the jerk that he is ... and he goes and asks me to do this.. knowing fully well i have trouble going back to sleep once i've been woken up...!!

i am sooo gonna make him pay for this... soooo gonna make him pay ... how .. when .. where ... i dunno .. but im sooooo gonna make him ....!!!

aaah ..!! the very thought just brought a smile to my face...!! ... but i'm still very very angry ...!!!

H for...??

It's so easy to confuse these new hospitals for hotels. When you hear the loved one you've come to see is feeling better, the waiting room turns into a hotel lobby and the cafeteria into the coffee shop with 24 hour service and life is like a tea party. It's only when you see a face in the crowd crying on someone's shoulder do you realise where you are and why your there.
Said a little prayer for those faces in the crowd. Prayed their loved one will go home with them.. Like ours is coming home with us... very very soon ...

Countdown.. or up?

Tomorrow I go to Slit's office for an interview. I'm already shaking with paranoia. I hate interviews with a passion and to top it off is the added pressure of Slit already having made it through. It will be absolutely shameful if I don't. I've tried to tell as few people about it to save myself from embarassment in case I don't make it though I hope and pray I do cos in my mind I've already spent my first years salary on a whole lot of things. Make that me and my mom. Though my mom's probaby 'mind' spent in on a whole lot of sensible stuff with it, like fixed deposits and shares and the like.

Hopefully i'll get the job and make mommy and me both happy and of course there's the anti recluse drive that I hope to launch as soon as I get it.

So good luck to me.


p.s. As of today my orkut count stands at 30. Here's to the count 'up' of friends I'll have if I get the job.

need to talk

Life is not all Ha ha He he

Goldy Aversion!!

Just went to check on any updates in Goldy’s profile on hi5 and eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!!!!!!... Oh my goodness.. What will I do with him..!! Call me a bitch for basing my Goldy aversion on his English and pics but they’ve actually put me so off him right now that I could see his missed call on my phone and not call him back .. EVER!!!.. ( I never ever do that .. unless he’s being boycotted by me .. which is when I’m highly highly pissed with him ..but even that only lasts a couple of weeks maximum)….so this is bad news …!!

His pics aren’t that bad this time actually but they are sooo like posed for… I can just imagine him making a fool of himself when he was getting those pics taken in his office..(Goldy got a REAL job after like a long long time so I guess he’s just excited ..but still ..that’s no excuse!!…) and the thought of that is so putting off..
And don’t even get me started on the English he’s used in his profile… he like needs to go back to school… I’ve always known his English isn’t great but this is a public place.. I wish he would check with me before putting things up…!! Even his sms’ …they are written so badly I could cry …!!!… Oh gawd !!!... I’m such a bitch!!!

Not that I’m miss perfect or anything but still I get so fazed by them that I’ve even told Garry if I ever lose my sanity over him she should just remind me off his messages and pictures (poor boy his pics are not so bad…hmm..actually he’s kinda photogenic…but somehow I get bad vibes from them !!.. weird.. yes I know..!!)…

I am aware of the shallowness of this particular nature of mine cos it's happened plenty of times before and it never ceases to amaze me how badly I react every time…!!!

And to think I always blame him for being unfair to me…!!!...