Countdown.. or up?

Tomorrow I go to Slit's office for an interview. I'm already shaking with paranoia. I hate interviews with a passion and to top it off is the added pressure of Slit already having made it through. It will be absolutely shameful if I don't. I've tried to tell as few people about it to save myself from embarassment in case I don't make it though I hope and pray I do cos in my mind I've already spent my first years salary on a whole lot of things. Make that me and my mom. Though my mom's probaby 'mind' spent in on a whole lot of sensible stuff with it, like fixed deposits and shares and the like.

Hopefully i'll get the job and make mommy and me both happy and of course there's the anti recluse drive that I hope to launch as soon as I get it.

So good luck to me.


p.s. As of today my orkut count stands at 30. Here's to the count 'up' of friends I'll have if I get the job.

need to talk

Life is not all Ha ha He he

Goldy Aversion!!

Just went to check on any updates in Goldy’s profile on hi5 and eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!!!!!!... Oh my goodness.. What will I do with him..!! Call me a bitch for basing my Goldy aversion on his English and pics but they’ve actually put me so off him right now that I could see his missed call on my phone and not call him back .. EVER!!!.. ( I never ever do that .. unless he’s being boycotted by me .. which is when I’m highly highly pissed with him ..but even that only lasts a couple of weeks maximum)….so this is bad news …!!

His pics aren’t that bad this time actually but they are sooo like posed for… I can just imagine him making a fool of himself when he was getting those pics taken in his office..(Goldy got a REAL job after like a long long time so I guess he’s just excited ..but still ..that’s no excuse!!…) and the thought of that is so putting off..
And don’t even get me started on the English he’s used in his profile… he like needs to go back to school… I’ve always known his English isn’t great but this is a public place.. I wish he would check with me before putting things up…!! Even his sms’ …they are written so badly I could cry …!!!… Oh gawd !!!... I’m such a bitch!!!

Not that I’m miss perfect or anything but still I get so fazed by them that I’ve even told Garry if I ever lose my sanity over him she should just remind me off his messages and pictures (poor boy his pics are not so bad…hmm..actually he’s kinda photogenic…but somehow I get bad vibes from them !!.. weird.. yes I know..!!)…

I am aware of the shallowness of this particular nature of mine cos it's happened plenty of times before and it never ceases to amaze me how badly I react every time…!!!

And to think I always blame him for being unfair to me…!!!...

I Need a Job... !!!

Yes... I have come to face the reality that I do... not cos I’m in desperate need for the money (yet)… I’m sadly still living of my parents (and perhaps I will for a long time… I don’t see myself married in the near future...if ever)… but cos it’s turning me into a recluse…!!

I’ve come to realise when people can’t judge you by virtue of how much weight you’ve gained they usually tend to look at how (un)successful you are and the best case scenario is when your both...fat and unsuccessful… and well since I’m also not at my slimmest best … I’m the ideal person these ‘judgers’ would like to meet ..:(..
I was pretty ‘successful’ in school n college... but back then ‘successful’ had a very different meaning...it depended on a lot else other than employment... (cos everyone was unemployed...) it was mostly on how popular you were and since I had Coco with me I always had her friends and my friends so looking popular was never an issue…then came university where due to the common unemployed factor people's 'successful' rating depended quite shallow-ly on their parents success ..so I made it there also .. along with the other benchmarks... had the perfect figure (for once)..perfect scores... perfect set of friends... and as silly as it sounds. . the perfect laptop and the perfect accommodation ..lol.. To keep up this image I’ve left of myself I now avoid them all ..!! No matter how much they might pretend that they envy the fact that im not working and am thus ‘chilling’( I hate this word) I’m sure in their heads they’re secretly calculating how many people they can share my unemployment information with ..(call me paranoid but I sense its true )…


Recently I discovered this online community called Orkut..!!.. almost everyone I know is on it.. people from school… people from college ...people from university .. Coco..Garry.. Fatty..Catty .. Jewel.. all of us are on it …but while everyone else’s friends list includes almost everyone in the above category who they know along with people from their jobs.(I don’t have a job hence no people from there.. hence the title of my post)...my list is stuck at 27 .. make that 27 safe people who either already know of my unemployed status or those who don’t pry into my life in public ..(orkut is a highly public domain)… I palpitate every time someone sends me a message asking me what I’m upto and I try and work my way around not answering that question in everyway possible without making it too obvious and if the person is kind enough to only send me a friend request I shamelessly ignore it till it goes away.. lest I add them and they take it as an invitation to make pc which includes the dreaded question..:(.. Even though my need for a job has more to do with just answering questions from people on Orkut (of all things) it would be worth getting it just to add people on my list with reckless abandon...!!

Its been 3 years since I graduated from university and ive been employed only 3.5 months out of those blissful 3 years ..till now I have somehow I managed to fend off the question cos I always had an excuse as to why I am not gainfully employed…(read not employed at all )…its either been a broken leg.. broken wrist (not mine)... wedding (again not mine) or just got back from working in L and am looking around but now I think people have realised I've been using that excuse over a year now.. especially since when I say I got back in October and they're like but you've been here a while and then the truth prevails and I'm like last October ..(I'm a sad sad liar).. in effect I’ve totally run out of excuses..so I don’t make a very friendly person in the party circuit at all .. I’ve become the typical introvert.. who hides behind the glass of coke..(not even a real party drink .. boo hoo) or who suddenly remembers something important and has to get up to make a call and needs go inside ..and especially so when anyone approaches with small talk..
It’s become so bad even filling up forms is a pain…there’s always the question of occupation and im not sure sleeping or watching television will qualify as an answer…and since I love travelling and have reached the age where I cannot pass of as a dependent anymore there are a lot of these forms to fill.. and if I wanna ever get out of the country or be a member anywhere I first need to get me that thing called a job !!..

Then of course I realise if I execute my back up plan and marry Goldy I will have to get one anyway... there is no way we will survive with a single income... ours will have to be a double income household…!!.. Not that I am a spend thrift or am totally into designer wear and expensive things though about a few things I am quite particular... if it’s a car it should be the best...if it’s a watch I want the best ..if we’re staying at a hotel it has to be the best ..thanks to my parents I have my needs taken care off but even when im not with them (i.e. when im with Goldy) with much effort I have almost always had my way (not that you’ll ever catch Goldy buying me a car or a watch.. asked him to buy me a designer bag for my birthday and then had to settle with giving him the URL for eBay... the bag still has not even been ordered.. hmph!!) when it comes to the hotels despite goldy reasoning if we’re together it doesn’t matter where we stay (he’s sensing a luxury pattern in my accommodation habits and he’s trying to rid me off it ..) I try and get to a half way decent place…it’s worked everytime except this once where due to lack of any options we had to stay in a… eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww... non suite..!!!!! thankfully it was just for the night and I am spookily a very seldom bathroom user…(so much so Goldy at times wonders if I even have a bowel..he’d worry about my uterus too if it weren't for the conspiring glorious 5 days almost always overlapping with the days I get to be with him.. hmph!! ) so it wasn’t so bad… but where I stayed in this unacceptable place cos I didn’t want to leave him for even a second (cos he was in L for just the night cos of an appointment at 8 in the morning and then back to S) thanks to the wonders associated with a communal bathroom I spent half n hour waiting for the toilet to flush …Goldy after finding me waiting outside the bathroom asked me to forget about it saying it was a common bathroom the next person would flush.. but then I saw myself in the next person coming to ‘not a fresh bowl’ and eeeewwwwwwww… needless to say I waited till I flushed(even though it was just number 1 .. heheheh.. ) … okie okie toooo much information …!!!

I knew I would digress... thankfully I made my point and then digressed(and how)……!!!

I know no one reads this blog.. but in case anyone chances upon it ..if you have any business ideas…( did i forget to mention I don’t like giving interviews and since no one will employ me without one I think I may have to start my own business..).. please pass them on in the comments section .. (this way I will atleast register comments ..)


p.s. Just when I was putting up this post Garry sent me a link to do with past life and the 1st question..
1. What's your current profession?


Sigh!!!!


Added later: The day this post went up.. Coco and Slit (cos her eyes r slit like a Chinese) went to a career counsellor.. but I chose to sit and watch Super man Returns instead.. I’ll never understand me …

Added just 2 days later: Coco and Slit both went for interviews and got through.. what make's me feel like a bigger loser is that Slit is a fresher and she's gonna be making more than most people I know who have even upto 3 years of experience .. (am happy for her .. but very very sad sad for me- I don't even get offered half the amount ..yes yes.. I have been for a couple of interviews.. that's when I realised.. I don't like them ..)

Castle in the Sand..

Its like building a sand castle... you know the tide will eventually come and wash it away… you watch the others suffer when theirs fall but yet there’s something within us that makes us build our own ….it takes a lot of time and effort but you put away those hardships and build away anyway ….you hesitate at times when reality strikes and you realise the castle wont always stand but still u keep at it and hope … hope the waves will be kind and go around yours and let it stand…
Its akin to the relationship with the ex when you still care .. you know its pointless to dream of life together but you still dream anyway … its like your building to close to the shore when you know there is another and then the tide comes and ruthlessly crashes against your castle and takes it down… it’s the same finality that comes when he gets married…
I’ve seen three castles go down in a span of no time at all… Will I be the 4th …? These days it seems like I’m being wise and building my castle near where the homes are…where the tide never comes… but the question is... where is he building his.....